Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize