The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
