You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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