I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
