can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
