does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We got so high we made milksteak
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
