i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
