Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
