I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
