kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
