She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
