I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
