Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
