So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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