Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
