Why does Corona taste like a burp?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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