Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
