I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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