So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
