I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
