There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
