roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize