Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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