i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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