Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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