I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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