she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
