So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
