then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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