Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I did not marry a roomba.
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