The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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