Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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