I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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