So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
