You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
