took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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