Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
