there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
