just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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