I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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