Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
