I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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