Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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