He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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