hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i think my tv is drunk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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