He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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