If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I intend to get homeless drunk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize