Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
