i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
