I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My life is pants optional.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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