I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
