If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
