You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
