My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
