I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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