How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
