Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
