I want to walk on stilts...naked
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
