i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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