I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
