see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
