So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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