dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
