for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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