uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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