I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
