before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
