Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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