@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
