A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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